girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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