i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
