You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
