He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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