Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
