I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
