Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
