drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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