i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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