like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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