So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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