so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize