we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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