Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize