Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
