so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
