man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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