never play flip cup with pint glasses
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize