I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
