I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize