so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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