..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
