They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
