They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
