how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
