hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize