it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he high fived his dick after we had sex
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
