Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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