I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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