if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
