i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
