do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize