Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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