It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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