Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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