I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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