That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
