I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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