I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize