every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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