she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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