her vagine was all disorganized.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
