If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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