you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
