nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
