Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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