you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
