Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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