I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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