Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
