READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
