I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She said her name was "party"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
