based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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