Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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