Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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