I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
