if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize