i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
