He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize