I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
