tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
