Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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