bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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