Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
