i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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