my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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