this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm like, not good at living.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
