omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
