it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
