im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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