Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
