so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
