Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize