Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my phone needs a breathalizer
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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