can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
