what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
