Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
