I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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