He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
