I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
