I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
