are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize