i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
