Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
