you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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