i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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