i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
