"it" just moved
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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