My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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