I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
