Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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