So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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