Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
