i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize