Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's never too late to be topless.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize