I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
