What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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