I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
