Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
