Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sext me about skeletons
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
