I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
