so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
