Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
