I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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